you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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