i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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