If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
