im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
