His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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