Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
