so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
