I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
