I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize