hotel room ftw
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
