they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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