I just threw up on my dentist
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
