Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
