My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
