arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
