just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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