does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
