everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
