...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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