yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
