I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
