So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
