i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
