yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
