That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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