Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
