so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
