you win again, gameday.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
