you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
