Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
