weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
