Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
