I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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