I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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