I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
