What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I could fuck to npr.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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