pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
