Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
birth control should be required to get into college
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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