You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
