drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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