did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
