I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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