fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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