It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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