you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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