I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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