That's intense
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
