i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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