At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
