i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
