piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
50% drunk capacity currently
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
