i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
