the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have fence marks all over my body
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