Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why do cheetos always look like penises
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
