i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
