In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
