Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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