well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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