It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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