Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
