Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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