i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
