I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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