I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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