I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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