I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Houston, we have a blender
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
