I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
