Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
