I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
