i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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