She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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