halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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