giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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