smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
