hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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