When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
