Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
