my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
