I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
