Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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